When I got married, I put on the "happy 10." I fluctuated after that, but, by the time I found out that I was going to have a baby, I was a little over my healthy weight. My pregnancy had it's ups and downs. I had a LOT of nausea so I snacked constantly to keep it in check. By my 2nd trimester I was sick of eating and had to encourage myself to eat.
I only gained about 20 lbs the whole pregnancy and I gained it all in front. If you know me, you know I have a small frame. At 4 1/2 months pregnant, I looked like I was 9 months pregnant.(This is January, baby wasn't born till almost June)
But the facts are... I didn't actually gain any weight after my 5th month until my last couple weeks of pregnancy. At every appointment I would either be the same, or would have lost a pound or would have gained one back. It was pretty funny. So for 5 months (I went 42 weeks) I got these questions...
Them: Oh, so are your due any day?
Me: No, I have 5 (4,3,...) months
Them: *GASP* Wow, are you having twins?
Me: *smile* Nope!
Them: Have you checked?
...and on and on it would go...
After a while, I started getting a complex. In fact, I remember crying about my weight to Jeremy multiple times.
I'm a VERY social person but I started hating to go out. I would avoid talking to people and their questions. It really hurt!
Once I had the baby and lost the weight, it felt like a relief. I lost it pretty quickly. All I was doing was breastfeeding, but I lost more weight then I had gained during the pregnancy. I gained 20 and probably lost about 35lbs. I felt vindicated. "You all teased me about my weight and look at me now." I started enjoying wearing size 4s then size 2 and then size 0. It was great to be so skinny.
Now, I never starved myself but I didn't encourage myself to eat as much as I should. So baby A got all of my nutrients and fat, and I depleted myself. I would get so busy that I would forget to eat and I never did anything about it. I enjoyed the fact that I was staying "skinny."
It wasn't attractive though. Even my husband gently commented that I needed to gain some weight. But wasn't I healthy? I was skinny. I was wearing 0's and 2's. Didn't that make me healthy?
Absolutely NOT. I was depleted. I didn't have any fat on me, good or bad. I started seeing the effects through fatigue and all sorts of things. Then I got pregnant with T. I was so depleted, I had a miserable pregnancy. I got sick so much that I wonder how I made it through the pregnancy. The last month of my pregnancy. I had a HORRIBLE upper-respiratory infection that I fought for 3 weeks prior to T's birth and a couple weeks after.
I'm still not healthy, BUT I am trying now. I am consciously eating, consciously drinking and trying to throw some exercise in there. I also take vitamin supplements as well as my prenatal vitamin.
I have lost a lot of weight again due to breastfeeding and to being so sick BUT this time I am determined to fatten myself up to a healthy weight. It's not about size. It's not about numbers.
I know girls, due to their frame size, that would be anorexic in a size 8 and others that would be above their healthy weight in a size 8. So don't look at charts, get off that scale, rip out your tags.
Find a healthy lifestyle of living for you...
- That may mean, cutting down on carbs.
- That may mean exercising daily.
- That may mean eating more then you eat now.
- That may mean eating less then you eat now.
- That may mean being a higher weight number then what society tells you.
The point is to be healthy. For me that means I need to eat, drink and exercise. If that means I gain a ton of weight or I'm not wearing the size I want to be wearing, I'm ok with that. I'd rather just be healthy. - Rejoicing in the Present