Weary, tired, frustrated and on the brink of tears, I knew I was ready to be done! I also knew I needed prayer. I texted a friend and said, “Why should I fight for their soul? They don’t care, why should I?” I had been through a series of situations where my husband and I put time, effort, money and plenty of energy into countless people, only to see them going back to the ways of the world.
I was sick of trying to fight other people’s battles when I didn’t see them putting any effort in. From counseling those who prayed for God to “take away their struggle” instead of fighting it themselves, to parents who would get in the way of their kids growing, to those who would show no faithfulness in our discipleship, those who were sensitive over everything and leaving the church because they didn’t like the color of the carpet. I was sick of trying to point to the cross and the Bible while they were looking everywhere but there. I felt like my husband and I were putting so much energy into the ministry and there was nothing to show for it.
I know that for me, there is nothing else. Yes, I contemplated putting my life and energy into other things, but I knew this was the only thing that really had any meaning. But, I was still frustrated and ready to "hole up" in a box, just ready to be done.
I sat down to study my devotions because I knew that of all days, today, I needed it the most. I brewed my Choffee, grabbed my comfy blanket, turned on some soft classical hymns and opened my Beth Moore Bible Study. Before I began, I poured out my heart to God. We talked and I knew that even if I never saw a huge result, I knew that this was what I was supposed to do. This was my job. It wasn’t about me getting glory it’s about Him.
It so happened that the first assignment was to read Galatians 6. The topic was about the Holy Spirit and Spiritual Maturity. I started reading and when I got to vs 7 and 8, I knew that the Lord was speaking to my soul. It was about sowing and reaping. Then I read vs. 9. “And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” I burst into tears. I couldn’t control the flow and soon my body was shaking from the overwhelming emotion. It was like God was comforting me and telling me to hang in there. As I sat their crying, the next song started playing, “Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a WRETCH LIKE ME” I was once a sinner and someone hung on to tell me. My husband had brought this up earlier in the day about how we both had gone through horrible times as teens but that we had gotten through it. I was (and still am) a sinner, a wretch, but God had patience on my soul. Don’t faint, don’t give up!
Verse ten goes on to say “As we have therefore opportunity let us do good unto all men,” Just do it, Joy. Keep it up!
Then He finished off by telling me that it really wasn’t about me and being appreciated by people; it was about Jesus Christ and God getting the glory. Vs. 14 says “But God forbid that I should glory, save in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom the world is crucified unto me, and I unto the world.” Take the world, but give me Jesus.
I know that I am to hold the light that others might see and have a chance to follow it. I know that many will rush on by or be distracted by things in the darkness. Even if I don’t see the results, I know that I am to do this so that God gets the glory.
I also know that when God’s little blonde is struggling and ready to give up, He takes the time to wrap his loving arms around her and say “Don’t faint, Joy, for in due season, you will reap.” What an amazing heavenly Daddy we serve. I love you Abba, Father!