You’re at work and your co-worker asks you to stay late to help finish a project. You don’t really want to, but you agree. A friend calls and asks you to make a cake for a bake sale and your pastor’s wife asks you to fill in as nursery worker for the next few weeks; you once again agree to these. You arrive home and your child asks for dinner, which you start, then they ask for school supplies to work on a project. Your husband comes downstairs and asks if his favorite shirt is washed. At this point, you reply that he has two hands and if he wants it washed, he can go wash it himself. Does this sound familiar? Why is it so easy to help everyone else, except our husbands? I guess because we are “liberated.”
Courtney gave a similar illustration in her book Women Living Well. We offer drinks to our guest and our children, but when our husband asks, we tell him that he can get it himself.
I think it’s ironic that most of us have or have had male bosses or male co-workers or pastors that we can work for and with, but our husband get little to no respect. We chose to live with him and love him for the rest of our days but yet we get our britches in a knot when we feel we have to serve him.
Ladies, this is so backwards. a s you know, the Bible tells us in Genesis, how God created Adam first and then created Eve to be his helpmeet. We were created to be helpers. We as woman were created to help our husband. We were created to assist our husbands and help him become who God wanted him to be.
If you know me well, you know this is a bit shocking coming from me, because I was always very independent. It was always about what I wanted to do. I always wanted to go to
and work in a orphanage there (which is not a bad desire) but it was always
about what I wanted to do and my dream and goals. I would be the woman who
married a man, because he fit into my schedule. It was only by the grace of God
and my prayerful parents that I ended up with the strong wonderful husband that
I have, who I am LEARNING to follow.
Ladies, I hear you. I am expecting #2, I have a toddler, I help my husband in the ministry. I am a busy woman and sometimes I do say things like, “why don’t you _________” or “get your own_____________.” My husband teases me that I am the worse nurse ever because when he gets sick, I'll say “You know where the medicine is.” When you work a full time/part time job you don’t want to come home to work more while your husband sits on the couch and watches TV. Still, you were created to be his helper.
Stop – Take a moment to ask your husband some questions. Something may be important to him, but is not important to you OR maybe something is important to your husband but is not important to your best friends' husbands. Guys are all different so you must find out what is important to him. Here are some questions that may help you get started. I’m sure there are a lot more questions that could be asked.
- What are the 5 most important things that I can do to help you in order from the most important to the least? (e.g. having a job, doing the laundry, always being positive, letting you have a 30 minute breather when you come home…)
- What are some things that I can eliminate doing that you don’t really care about?
- Would you rather have a kept-up house or kept-up wife? (which appearance is more important)
- Do you feel your sexual needs are being fulfilled?
- When you walk in the house what would you like to see?
- Are there any jobs that you would like to take over or for me to quit so that I can make sure that you needs get fulfilled? (e.g. maybe quit volunteering or helping out in the community, maybe he could take over a job around the house that he doesn’t mind doing)
- If he wants you more at home: Where can we cut back on our budget so that I can work less out and more at home?
- Do I spend enough time with you or the kids?
- What needs to change in our marriage so that I can be the best help meet to you?
If that means helping by bringing in more income, helping by taking care of your kids and house, helping by fulfilling his needs, helping by ___________________ , you need to do it. Why? Because that is what you were created to do. You were not created to make the world a better place with your good deeds or write the one blog post that most influences the world or have the job that every woman desires. You were created to be your husband’s helper!
You may say, well why should I waste my talents? Don’t! God gave you those talents to use and you must not bury them. Those talents are to minister to the world, they are to help your family, and they can make the world a brighter place.
If your life is great and your ministry is thriving and a lot of people are happy, EXCEPT your husband, then you are NOT doing what you were created to do. This is a hard lesson, ladies, but your husband always must be the priority. Remember the order: God first, then husband, then kids, then your ministry/job.
If the only thing at which I ever succeeded was being a helper to my husband, then I did exactly what I was created to do. – Rejoicing in the Present