Thursday, May 30, 2013

Not apologizing :-)

Recently Brandy sent me a link to a really refreshing article. Maybe I'm just one of the those machine-gun apologizers, but I feel like I am always apologizing for my baby.  "I'm sorry, he's cranky, he'd didn't get much sleep, I'm sorry, he's crying, he usually goes to most people, I'm sorry, he... and on the list goes"  I'm sorry, but he's a baby. I know that I'm a people-pleaser and I try to make everything OK, but I've resolved to apologize less for him and embrace the moments more.

Here is part of the article from To read the rest, please go to her website.

Sorry my little boys act like... little boys.

You know what I have been working really hard on?
Not apologizing for the fact that I have little boys,
who act and behave like... (gasp!)... little boys.

Now I'm the one with the three little boys. Sometimes I look back and remember her when I sweep up the massive pile from my floor every night (okay, sometimes every other night.) I think of her when my boys are the ones being crazy and screaming and jumping on the couch, spilling self-poured milk all over the counter, eating weird stuff out of the fridge (or trash/off the floor/out from under the couch... I'm just being real.)

She never apologized to me for her boys. She never said "oh my, I am so sorry he is melting down, he is so tired and etc. etc." or "sorry, they should not be jumping on the couch, BOYS STOP! GET DOOOOOWN!" or "sorry they are being so crazy" or "sorry, I'm so embarrassed my house is a mess, these kids... " She never apologized for her messy and beautiful life with small kids. And that ministers to me as a mom of little boys now. Because I feel like I am ALWAYS apologizing for my sons and their behavior.

Sorry Eli's crabby, he hasn't had a nap.
Sorry, they are just excited, I'll tell them to quiet down.
Sorry the house is trashed, we just had a play group here.
Sorry Gabriel is dressed like an orphan, he picked out his own clothes this morning.
Sorry we are late. I had to get three kids ready by myself.
Sorry his room is a mess, I didn't get around to cleaning it yesterday.
Sorry the coffee shop is a special outing for them, so yes they are going to accidentally spill their water, touch every cute plant in the middle of the tables, and smear their faces on the front of the bakery display case as they are filled with excitement as they decide what cookie they are going to have. Sorry you are being distracted from your book or quiet conversation by their squeals of delight. Sorry they are standing in front of the door while you are trying to get in. (Maybe you could smile at my kids or wave 'hello' instead of giving them and me dirty looks.)

SORRY. sorry. SoRrY.
They are not adults.
They are little boys.
Well, sorry. I am done saying sorry. I am done being embarrassed. I am done feeling like I am doing society a great disservice when I bring my kids out in public. I have to bring my kids to the library or restaurants or wherever we will frequent as a family so that they can learn the rules and etiquette of being out and about in public. I am doing nothing helpful by apologizing to my friends and other moms for the same exact stuff that their children do or will do when they get older. I am learning that how I live my life as a mom of little ones can actually be helpful and encouraging to other moms going through the same stuff if I am just real. Just like Amy did for me.

Amy is still a part of my life, and I love laughing with her about all that I observed and learned from her back in the earlier years. She continues to encourage me by being real evidence that you do make it through the tough years, your house will not be trashed forever, kids will sleep-in someday and that in the future your kids will be able to pour milk by themselves and not spill it all over. I sure love you Amy. Especially since you let my little ones spill all over your table now.

So. That is my goal as of late, to stop treating my kids as though they are something to be apologized for. - this is my favorite line

I don't believe in letting your child terrorize a person, a place, or an object but I do feel that children should still be allowed to be children.  My child is a gift from God and I'm going to enjoy him, and not apologize. - rejoicing in my present. :-)

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