A Letter to Moms that Have Miscarried

I have asked a group of wonderful moms to share their life experiences.  They are all beautiful women with amazing journeys, but this one happens to be my favorite writer.  She is not only a super-mom of 4 kids and 2 angel babies but also my amazing big-sister. - Rejoicing in the Present

“At least you didn’t really have time to get attached.” Those were the words of a friend and they stung. I felt my eyes burning and my heart ached so deeply. If she only knew that I would give my right arm to “have more time to get attached.” What I would give to watch one more ultrasound of that tiny heartbeat. I would gladly wake up in the middle of the night with heartburn a million more times.

I remember going into the doctor’s office after I had lost my baby and the receptionist asked me “Are you pregnant?”.....I squeaked out a “Not any more” with tears flooding my eyes. She pushed her glasses up further on her nose and snapped right into business mode. “You are going to have to pay a co-pay then.” I wanted to scream. "Didn’t you hear me! Not anymore! I WAS pregnant! My baby is gone. I can barely hold myself together at this moment and you want me to pay a co-pay!" In the middle of that busy bustling doctor’s office I felt empty and all alone. No one understood. No one cared. Since I didn’t give birth to my baby, it was like I was never pregnant. Like it never happened.

That was eight years ago and I now have four healthy children, but as I type this I still cannot hold back the tears. It doesn’t matter how much time goes by. It doesn’t matter how many children I have. It doesn’t matter how busy life gets. I still, after all these years, long to hold that baby in my arms. It was one of my children. It was important. It was wanted. It was loved.

I often feel like, in today’s world, miscarriages are overlooked and pushed aside. I have heard so many comments from well-meaning people like “It must have had something wrong with it” or “I am sure you will have another one.” What is so important to that grieving mommy is passed by and overlooked!

Others may not see. More likely, others just don’t understand. But do you know who always sees? Who knows every tear we have ever cried? Who feels that empty hole in our hearts? EL ROI--the God who sees! There is no hiding from Him. He sees, He knows, He understands and He always cares.

Psalm 139:10 says that He will hold us. When we cannot go on. When the tears will not stop. When no one understands. He will hold us.

Run to Him and let Him be your strength.

Even more importantly, our Heavenly Father never forgets! As the years go by, I feel like I am the only one who remembers that I don’t just have 4 kids. I have six! Isaiah 49:15 & 16 are the most comforting verse to me when I feel like my babies are forgotten. Verse 15 tells us that even if a mother forgets her own child, He will not forget them. In fact, vs. 16 goes on to tell us that He will carve them upon the palm of His hand. What a comfort! My babies will never be forgotten. They are “carved upon the very hands of God.”

-Faith Pinkerton