Guest Blog - To Kiss or Not to Kiss?!?

KISSING outside of marriage! We have so many different thoughts and ideas on this subject. As a youth pastor's wife, we have rules in our youth group. Yep, there is a NO-TOUCHY rule! When our kids come to YG we want them to focus on learning more about God, worshiping him and not on a fellow man or woman. :-) So saying that, I want to say this:

I believe that to do or not to do has to be someone's own personal conviction. That conviction can't be pushed on a young person. I believe that the standard must be purity and whether to kiss or not has to come from that. 

Some believe that you can kiss and not cross that line. Others think differently. The Bible tells us in I Corinthians 7 that it is good for a man NOT to touch a woman. The touch here is referring to a sexual touch. If your kissing is starting a fire, becoming sexual, then I believe it's "not good."

After saying all that, I recently saw this article To Kiss or Not to Kiss?!?. You can take it or leave it, but I think that the core of it has some great advice. What I like the most is that it's getting your attention off your boyfriend and onto Christ. Encouraging you to focus your intimacy on Christ instead of your guy. If you honor Him, He will honor you.  If that means saving your kisses or not, keep your eyes on Christ. 

I've started a new tradition when I speak—collecting girls' deepest questions on index cards (that way no one knows who the questions belong to). This last time it seemed nearly every girl wanted to know about kissing.

• "Is kissing guys prior to marriage okay?"
• "Your opinions on kissing before marriage.”
• "What is your viewpoint on kissing before your wedding day?”

Well, for the record, I've done it—kissed a guy before marriage. Three, actually. And we're not talking just a peck on the cheek.

I've realized God didn't love me any less when I kissed guys as a young teen, and God doesn't love me any more since I've stopped kissing guys.

However, it's been fifteen years since my last kiss. That's right. I kissed for the last time on my sixteenth birthday.

Don't cheer for me too soon, though. I stopped for all the wrong reasons.

I stopped kissing because in my mind, no kissing = "doing the God thing." I thought I'd make His VIP list 'cause of my commitment. Since then, I've realized God didn't love me any less when I kissed guys as a young teen, and God doesn't love me any more since I've stopped kissing guys.

Well, if that's true, does that mean I can just pucker up and kiss any ole' guy I want to kiss?

Nope. Romans 2:4 tells me God's grace is meant to lead me to repentance.

Today I have five very different reasons for not kissing:

• I want to "kiss the Son" (Ps. 2:12). I don't literally and physically kiss God (God is Spirit, after all). But my desire is to pursue and exalt God as my greatest treasure—to "kiss" Him through the way I think about and draw near to and obey Him.

• I know myself. Kissing just leaves a girl wanting more (at least this one!). If I date in the future, I hope to stay as far away from kissing as possible this side of the altar. I don't know that I'll make it (sounds tougher than running a marathon!), but by God's grace, I will choose to love and not lust after my boyfriend from the start.

• I'm not married yet. While I can't go back and erase my past, I can start new! I'd love to save all my kisses from sweet sixteen on for my future husband as a gift. Once (or rather "if") I marry, that'll be the time to be extravagantly generous with my kisses.

• I'm brand new (2 Cor. 5:17). God has cleaned me up and declared me holy through Jesus' righteous record. I choose to live in light of who I am. For me, this doesn't begin with staying away from kissing—it happens long before, as I control my thoughts rather than letting them control me. I don't struggle with not kissing in real life 'cause I'm not fantasizing about kissing in my thought life anymore.

• I have God's Holy Spirit living in me, which means I finally have power for holy living (yippee!). I no longer have to be controlled by my desires; I get to control my desires by tapping into the Spirit's self-control (Gal. 5:22–23). So thankful I have some help!

So dear friends, fall in love with Jesus. Set boundaries that won't lead you into sin. Don't let your desires control you, let the Holy Spirit. 

Don't label what you will and won't do. Have a heart to please God and ask Him to fill your relationship, your conversation and your plans.. Focus more on Jesus and your future with Him. - Rejoicing

#favoritism - Let's Be Practical

Yesterday we talked about favoritism, but I felt like I couldn't just leave it at that. Favoritism is rampant. It's something that I think we all struggle with. ...but there is another word for it. That word is "cliques."

I  have noticed this for years. In fact, I have even felt the pains of it as a child. Cliques are everywhere. They start out in preschool and I'm sure they still abound in the nursing homes. 

Having close friends is not wrong, but ignoring people in order to spend time with those you prefer is. 

How does this play out?

Next Sunday, sit in a back corner and just watch. Friends will talk to friends. If you were a fly on the wall you would notice that most of those people have history between them. 

There will be some who come in and never receive a hello and a handshake. There may be a guest who gets a greeting the first week.  But will they be greeted again the next?

I am guilty of this. I will walk in and up to someone who I connect with, while leaving others hanging. This is wrong on my part. 

We, as a church body, are to be a family. 

We all have history, if we have Jesus. So, why do we talk to the same people every week? Why are we not branching out? 

Beth Moore taught us this last week--if you look up favoritism in the Greek, the actual meaning is "lifting the face." In ancient times, when a ruler would come into a room, everyone present would bow prostrate on the ground. They would lay there until the ruler did or said something to "lift their face." 

Get this! A hungry soul is lying waiting for your friendship, waiting for you to lift their face, catch their eye and you are in the corner laughing it up with one of your old buddies. 

Beth goes on to say "Who do you think you are?"  Where do you get gall to leave that face on the ground?

Favoritism, cliques, call it what you may, is painful.  I know some really wonderful people with whom I had to WORK at developing a relationship.  We didn't appear to have anything in common, at first.  It's not always easy. Developing friendships can be is work. You have to leave your comfort zone and get into someone else's.

I want to encourage you to reach out to one new person/family a week. Then don't just leave that person hanging. Every week, check into that person's life. Ask them questions about themselves and keep checking in until you have built a friendship. 

Will every attempt to connect with a person turn into a blooming friendship? No. We may not be best of buds, but we will be caring souls who are there for each other should the need arise. 

Don't leave that face on the ground. Lift it up, look into their eyes and convey that you care and that Jesus cares. - Rejoicing in the Present

#favoritism

My mom is the Queen of Equality. She has always been very attentive in giving her children and grandchildren an equal amount whether that be attention or gifts. Even for birthdays, she sets a dollar amount and we all get gifts within that budgeted amount. Even though we have teased her over the years that this person or that person was her favorite, there were no favorites. We were all equally blessed with her love and attention. She has always been an example to me about how to treat people, even when they are unlovely. 

So why am I telling you all of this? 

My heart was smote this week during my Bible Study of James. Even though I had read this before, God reminded me of a subject that we often skip over:  favoritism.

This is the passage that spoke to me:
James 2:1-7 "My brethren, have not the faith of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory, with respect of persons. For if there come unto your assembly a man with a gold ring, in goodly apparel, and there come in also a poor man in vile raiment; And ye have respect to him that weareth the gay clothing, and say unto him, Sit thou here in a good place; and say to the poor, Stand thou there, or sit here under my footstool: Are ye not then partial in yourselves, and are become judges of evil thoughts? Hearken, my beloved brethren, Hath not God chosen the poor of this world rich in faith, and heirs of the kingdom which he hath promised to them that love him? But ye have despised the poor. Do not rich men oppress you, and draw you before the judgment seats? Do not they blaspheme that worthy name by the which ye are called?

First off, it's not wrong to be rich. This passage is not preaching on communism. It's also not teach us that you have to be poor to get to heaven. It's teaching on our response to people. 

It's teaching us to respect all people, rich, poor, clean, dirty, sinful or righteous.

Over and over again in the Bible, God teaches us that He is NO respecter of persons.

Acts 10:34-35 "... Of a truth I perceive that God is no respecter of persons: But in every nation he that feareth him, and worketh righteousness, is accepted with him."

So what does He respect, or better yet, accept?

Those who fear Him and are righteous are the ones that are accepted by Him.

He respects the heart, not status.

This is the place to where we ultimately need to get. As a teacher for over 10 years, I have received many gifts and notes. I have had some children who were just angels, running up to me and giving me hugs. I have had children who were dressed to the "t" and others whose clothes were stained and torn. I have had children who had a bad odor and some who smelled like they had just gotten out of a clean bath. There were some who were disrespectful and some who readily obeyed. I have worked with parents (of these kids) who were approachable and helpful while others were hard to deal with.

The little girl, with the clean pretty dress, a smile on her face and a ready hug for you. Yes, it's easy to love her.

The church member who remembered your birthday and bought you a little gift. Yes, it's easy to seek them out and love on them.

The dear lady who dotes on your family, watches your kids and gives you a needed break. It's really easy to love her.

The girlfriend who texts you and checks in on you. You love her!

What about the child who acts out in your class while you are teaching?   His family doesn't really seem to care about him, he has a weird odor and his clothes are all torn and stained. Do you even like him? Will you sit next to him? Will you be paying more attention to his odor or to his tender heart that needs to be reached?

What about the church member who always has a negative comment or story? What about the gossip that has a story about everyone including you? Do you love her? (I'm not saying you love her sin, but you love her as a person.)

What about that rich church member that has lots of money and always seems to be able to help out? They are always dressed nicely and give freely. We want to keep them, don't we?

Do we want to keep that same poor family that struggles and struggles to pay their bills, often asking for a handout?  Do we really care about them?

Now, it might not be $$$$ that impresses us.  It might be power, talent, smarts, or style. However "At the end of the day, what impresses us dictates us ...and we devalue those who don't" - BM

Maybe you are all about reaching out to the ____________ and so you overlook ___________. (Fill in the blanks.) I would encourage you to make a list of what impresses you and make sure that you are not excluding people who lack those things.

I love this: "Picture a greeter so thoroughly embracing the one poorly dressed that no one else can smell a thing besides Christ. Love covers." - BM

Romans 2:11" For there is no respect of persons with God" What about you? Do you have favorites? Your ONLY favorite should be Jesus and everyone else should get agape love.

Valentines Day '15

So in February, the subject of love and hearts is everywhere. We start talking about "love", watching chic flicks, hanging hearts and wondering what our romantic husband is going to do for us.

We may even go on pinterest and come up with some ideas for him. A few years ago, I actually made my husband a gift everyday from February 1 to the 14th. It was a lot of fun and I shared the ideas on my blog.

Sadly though, Valentine's Day, for many, has turned out to be a day of entitlement. TV tells us that "my husband only loves me if he buys me that beautiful ring from Kay's, or a dozen roses or at least write me a long juicy love letter."

We have expectations and even when our husband does reach out, it's not good enough.

Love is a sacrifice. It's not YOUR idea of a sacrifice. It's his own personal sacrifice. Try to see through his eyes. Embrace his gift, whether that be material or himself. 

Finally, don't forget the most important chapter of love, I Corinthians 13... (charity means love)

"Charity suffereth long, 

and is kind; 

charity envieth not; 

charity vaunteth not itself,

is not puffed up,

Doth not behave itself unseemly,

seeketh not her own, 

is not easily provoked, 

thinketh no evil; 

Rejoiceth not in iniquity, 

but rejoiceth in the truth; 

Beareth all things, 

believeth all things, 

hopeth all things, 

endureth all things."

...this is love. This is sacrificial love toward each other. Happy Early Valentines. May you fall in love with God first, each other 2nd and the lost souls around you. - Rejoicing

More "Love" Comments from Kids.

Kids aging from 5 to 10 years old were interviewed about love. This is from rinkworks.com. Below are my favorites, to see the whole list, go to rinkworks.com. I truly laughed my way through this list...

"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." -- Manuel, age 8

"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife." -- Tom, age 5

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." -- Mike, 10 - HAHAHAHAHA...this is a favorite


"One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills." -- Ava, age 8 - YES MAAM! :-)

"Most men are brainless, so you might have to try more than once to find a live one." -- Angie, age 10 ...I wonder if her mom said this?

"[Being] single is better . . . for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I'd figure something out. I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing." -- Kirsten, age 10 hahahahahahahahha ...if only it was this easy. Especially when your mom lives 12 hours away. 

"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." -- Dave, age 8  :-)

---

Kissing:

"It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you. That's why I stopped doing it." -- Tammy, age 10 

"I know one reason kissing was created. It makes you feel warm all over, and they didn't always have electric heat or fireplaces or even stoves in their houses." -- Gina, age 8 ...back in the days, this is how you kept each other warm. HAHAHA

"The rules goes like this: if you kiss someone, then you should marry her and have kids with her. It's the right thing to do." -- Howard, age 8 smart young boy

---

How People In Love Act:

"All of a sudden, the people get movies fever so they can sit together in the dark." -- Sherm, age 8 this boys knows to much 

"Romantic adults usually are all dressed up, so if they are just wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or they just broke up." -- Sarah, age 9

"It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it's just like how their hearts are -- on fire." -- Christine, age 9 hahahahahahaha I would have loved to see this girl explain this fact. 

Strategies For Making People Fall In Love With You:

"Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores." -- Del, age 6 YES!!!!!

Good Advice About Love:

"Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck!" -- Ricky, age 7

"Don't forget your wife's name. That will mess up the love." -- Erin, age 8

"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash." -- Erin, age 8

---

What To Do When a First Date Turns Sour:
"I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns." -- Craig, age 9 I love this strategy~

Why People In Love Often Hold Hands:
"They want to make sure their rings don't fall off, because they paid good money for them." -- Gavin, age 8 

I hope you got a giggle out of these thoughts. - Rejoicing in the Present

Kids' Ideas About Love

Before my husband and I moved to Florida we attended church and ministered in Oak Ridge, TN. We worked in the children's department and one of the fun opportunities that I had was interviewing the kids about "love". 

When I decided that I was going to write about love during the month of February,  I decided that I had to share these adorable comments. Here are their thoughts.  I believe most of the children were under 5 years of age. 

What is love?

When mommy and daddy give me hugs- Erika

Put up with people and still love them - Karen

They go to a wedding – Ashlee

When you love someone sooooo much – Autumn

It looks like a heart – Brooke

Ashlee reaches over and hugs Autumn

Why do people go on dates?

Cause they need to - Ashlee

Because they want to be together at a restaurant - Autumn

Why do people hold hands?

Cause they have to stay safe - Ashlee

When you are close to a car ...and so they know where you are or they will go to their room and get in trouble? – Erika

I have no idea - Amelia

So you don’t get crashed by a car and lose their children  and so you won’t go away- Julianne

Cause we are in a parking lot and that’s the rule - Mia

What is love between a boy and girl?

I don’t know? I’m not that old yet - Karen

They are getting married – Grant

I think the same thing he did - Seth

Well if the “friend” took the “friend” out and he lost her then the parents would be very upset when he came home without her - Autumn

How can you tell that a couple is in love?

Batting eyelashes, they talk and they like the same things – Karen

Talk a lot, walk together, go places for dates – Josie

They are talking – Julianne

They are married - Mia - HAHAHAHA - you would hope :-) 

If you were to see an older couple sitting at a table at a nice restaurant, how would you know they are in love

Oh, like my mom and dad – Karen interrupts half way through J

They depend on each other – Amelia

They are smiling and kissing and hugging - Julianne

Cause they have wrinkles on their face – Autumn

Cause their mouths are smiling and that means they are getting married – Brooke

Cause they kiss on their lips and they have children with them - Autumn

How old do you have to be to get married?

Well there are exceptions…like when it’s easier to pay taxes but normally the age is after college (23) -

16 like Peter – Julianne

2 years old - Karis

How old do you have to be to get married? – 18, how old for your first kiss – 21 - Alexandra 

...ummmm that couple may have some problems. ...just saying :-) 

How old do you have to be for your first kiss

My mom would probably say 26 – Josie

6 years old - Mia

How old do you have to be to get married?

I’m not getting married – Grant

Why do people get married?

To make more people – Seth

Out of the mouth of babes. This was only one small part of the interview the rest of the questions were about life. Your "love" speaks volumes to your kids. Think about it. - Rejoicing in the Present

Saying Yes to Jesus and No to the Devil

I have been learning so much in my study of James with Beth Moore. One of the thoughts that hit me really hard was this...

Trials will come. Temptations will come, but who you give assent to, will show who is the lord of your life.

If you read the first chapter of James it talks about the progression of both trials and temptations.

James 1:3-4 talks about faith trials

"Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience: But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing."

The progression goes like this...

Trials -> Patience -> Perfecting-> Completeness

James 1:14-15 talks about temptations

"But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death."

The 2nd progression goes like this...

Temptations/Lusts -> Sin -> Death

In both progressions or seasons of your life, step #2 will never happen until you give assent to the lord of your life. One would hope that, that is the Lord of the Heavens and the Sea, but it might not always be the case. Look at the below diagram and maybe this visual will make you understand a little better.

When you are being tempted, you have to say no to the devil and the foolish thoughts he places in your head and you have to say YES to Jesus. This will be where the learning and thus the patience begins in your life. 

However, many people say NO to Jesus when they are tried and lose out on His blessing.

Now temptations ARE NOT faith trials, they are human, fleshly errors that we make. These are lusts and temptations that are born out of our sin nature. 

BUT once again these can be stopped in the first step. When our lusts pull on us we simply say NO to the devil and YES to Jesus. What a powerful tool, yet easy, tool that we can use in our Christian walk. 

No matter if it's a faith trial or a temptation, simply say NO to the devil and YES to Jesus. You can NEVER go wrong doing that. - Rejoicing in the Present

That Others May See You

Take away the melodies, take away the songs I sing

Take away all the lights and all the songs YOU let me write

Does the man I am today say the words YOU need to say

Let them see YOU in me let them hear YOU when I speak

Let them feel YOU when I sing

Let them see YOU, let them see YOU in me

Who am I without YOUR grace, another smile another face

Another breath a grain of sand passing quickly through YOUR hand

I give my life an offering take it all take everything

Let them see YOU in me let them hear YOU when I speak

Let them feel YOU when I sing

Let them see YOU, just let them see YOU in me

It was a Sunday Morning, I was trying to keep "T" quiet when a dear lady got up to sing these lyrics. I was sitting in the audience, in a place where I could not see the singer and the song wasn't really a style of music that I liked.  But as I listened to the words, they had such a powerful message.  

"Let them see You in me let them hear You when I speak

Let them feel You when I sing

Let them see You, let them see You in me

I couldn't see the singer but I could hear the message, a message that pointed to Jesus. It was exactly as the song was saying. I hope that that is the message of my life.

When we give to others, I hope they see Jesus.

When we sing HIS praises, I hope that HIS praises are sung.

When we speak His gospel, I hope His gospel is spoken.

That Sunday, it was the ONLY message I heard, as "T" decided that she wanted to "sing" in church as well, but it was a POWERFUL message that I continue to think on.

Every ministry,

 every outreach,

 every song

 and every prayer,

 I pray,

 points to Him.

I pray it glorifies and honors Him and Him only.

Let them see YOU, Lord, in me, let them hear YOU, let them feel YOU. - Rejoicing in the Present

Dealing with Shy Behavior

My little son has stages of shyness.  I believe even the most outgoing kids can go through these stages in life. What I am learning is that it's not about changing a child's personality as much as it's teaching your child to be polite and have manners.

I know I make excuses for my kids too often. Some of the time the problem is not their fault; it's mommy's fault for not teaching them the way they need to behave.
Here are bits and pieces of an article from beautyandbedlam. Click on the link to get the full article

Say ‘hi’ to Mr. Smith, honey. He’s been daddy’s friend since he was a little boy. Just give a quick hello.”

I could feel her fingers clench tighter as she burrowed deeper into my skirt. No eye contact, no hello, not even a quick little peek around my leg.

“I’m so sorry; she’s just shy and tired. She missed her nap today.

There it was. Out of my mouth before I knew what was happening. I had once again intervened and excused our daughter’s poor choice...

It’s critical not to make the child feel self conscious over a personality trait, but embrace just how God has made her perfectly unique, yet desire to work through the weaknesses.

Even as a child,  no one is ever too shy that they can’t give 30 seconds 5 seconds of eye contact, a smile and a warm greeting. As moms, we have the power to help our children through that discomfort, train them, and dare I say ‘demand’ it?

On a practical level, dealing with a shy child actually means spending time role playing at home, as well as letting them know that when they make a poor choice in public, you will help guide them through making the wise choice.

Set them up for success and this means beginning early. At home, walk them through the new people they will meet. If you already notice this trait in your tiny ones, begin early, even before they are talking in complete sentences.  When in public, pick them up, encourage them to give a little smile, and look the new person in the eyes.

We are not asking for an award winning speech, just begin with and expect warm eye contact.... Keep encouraging them. Remind them to show Jesus love to everyone they meet, even if it’s just through a smile and a wave. As they get older, we don’t allow for any excuses....

Now as teenage men, they can hold amazing conversations with any adult they meet, in nearly any situation,  but it came with much work and effort on our part to push situations that gave them that opportunity to grow.

I share these situations using the “Shy Child” personality,  but honestly, we need to stop labeling our kids in any negative way that excuses their behavior. The same scenario can be said for children who are extraverts and constantly monopolize conversation without even realizing it.  We talk through that as well and encourage self control and an “others first” mentality.

(For my personal story on extrovert vs introvert, read my “I’ve Never Been Told that Before” story. The comments are the best part.)

As moms, it’s so easy for us to desire to make a good impression, than instead of having our kids take on the natural consequences of their bad behavior whether it’s throwing a fit, whining, talking back in public, etc, we make excuses for their poor behavior by covering it with, “They are tired.” I did that TODAY! *blushing*

Again, they may be tired and missed a nap, but work on calling their behavior what it is, “sin.” Oh yikes, stepping on toes.  I don’t mean you call them a little sinner in public,  but we need to stop excusing their choices and train them in wise choices.

People might have thought my tears came from a proud momma and they would be right, but not because she was on a stage in front of people.  No, this is a child who hates being the center of attention, a child content with remaining quiet,...

She said “Yes” when she didn’t want to, and it’s for her bravery and boldness that I was proud.

So we start today.

Whether our child is 2 or 12, we can stop excusing our child’s bad behavior and begin to train those poor character choices right out of them.

Guest Blog - Immodesty

It was a cold winter night and I was talking to my mom in the breakfast room. My sister had a friend over to spend the night. She was newly-saved, and came from a pretty rough background. We, however, had been raised in a Christian home with some strict standards, so what happened that night was unexpected.

 I was standing there as the friend came down in her night clothes, what there were of them. Everything seemed bare. From her skimpy spaghetti-strapped shirt to her almost-non-existent shorts, I found it a bit shocking.  I had older teenage brothers who lived with us and I was sure my mom was going to throw a blanket over her.  The friend ran downstairs so excited with news. 

"Mrs. W,  I got some Christian music." 

She was excited to share her new Christian walk.  She ran over to the CD player and put in a CD.  Blaring out of our CD player was an "worldly" singer, singing "O Holy Night" on a Christmas CD.  It was a Christian song, but that's where it ended. She danced around singing it while I stared.  I was scared and embarrassed of what was going to happen next.

I watched one of my brothers walk by with his mouth hanging open, like our family had lost their minds.  But then to my amazement and awe, I saw something happen that, to this day, has helped shape the way that I minister to girls.

When the song was done, I saw my mom walk up to that young girl, slip her arm around her and tell her how proud she was of her.  My mom saw that girl taking a tiny little step forward and encouraged her. 

I can't tell you what happened to that girl--she was in our lives for only a few short months-- but I just have to wonder if she continued to grow. There are too many of us who try to change the outward looks of a person before getting to their heart.   

There is a much larger picture. The church is a hospital for sinners, and we have gotten away from this. There are ways to encourage and help these girls.  The biggest thing is to give them Jesus and, when they TRULY "get" Jesus, they will want to dress and live for HIM.  We need to teach them to want to please HIM with their actions and heart.  Teach them to search the Bible for HIS expectations of them, not ours. 

We so often are quick to condemn the ones who have an outward appearance of ungodliness but what about all of us who are in some way inwardly filthy?

" Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye are like unto whited sepulchres, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead men's bones, and of all uncleanness. " - Matthew 23:27

Gossip, self-centeredness, unforgiveness and "secret sins" are running rampant in the church, but, yet, we sigh and turn our nose up at the immodestly-dressed young girl who came to church, even though she didn't have to. She was seeking something more (ok, maybe she did want attention, who knows). However, we have that one opportunity to give her Jesus. 

I've said ALL that to recommend this beautiful post by Erin Davis, from True Woman. I have given my favorite excerpts below. 

Drop Your Stone

For those of us who have grown up in the church, the choices of non-Christians can often be alarming. But we need to stop being surprised when the lost act lost. It's been my consistent experience that young women usually don't dress immodestly because they want to ooze sexuality but simply because they don't understand God's heart on the issue.

Instead of passing down a list of rules for what we wear, the Bible encourages us to "wear" the qualities of Christ.

Let's take a detour to a story that might help us see how to approach that young lady in your church like Jesus would.

In John 8, Jesus encountered a woman whose life was riddled with sexual sin, and she probably looked like it. She had been "caught in the act" of adultery after all. I doubt she had time to throw on modest clothing before she was dragged before Jesus. How does Jesus handle the issue?...

Start with the Gospel

... There's no doubt we are all guilty of sin. We can't cover it up or talk our way out of it. The adulterous woman deserved the punishment the crowd wanted to give her. She was guilty. I deserve the punishment of death that is suitable for sinners. I am guilty. But Jesus offers the woman an exchange. Trade in condemnation for acceptance. Trade in shame for love. Trade in a life of sin to become a new creation.

Does that girl in the pew in front of you know the gospel? Has she turned her life over to Him? Just because she is in church doesn't mean she has. When you approach her, start with the gospel.

Let's Figure This Out Together

...Whoever is doing the work is doing the learning." Sure, you could download your thoughts on modesty to the young women in your world. They might think it matters. They probably won't. But if you challenge them to open up the Bible for themselves and to discover God's heart on this issue (or any issue) without an agenda, you will see the light bulb go off in their hearts.

This requires an important shift. We need to stop asking, "How can we get our girls to dress modestly?" and start asking, "How can we get our girls to be passionate students of God's Word?" 

Here are some key verses and thoughts to get you and the girls in your church started.

(1 Tim. 2:9–10).

...When we talk to girls about the issue of modesty, we need to broaden the conversation to get them thinking about how the ways they present themselves reflect (or don't reflect) Christ.

This is just a puzzle piece in the bigger picture of God's heart for modestly presented in His Word:

• Matthew 6:28–30 tells us not to be preoccupied with clothes, but instead to focus on the things of God.
• 1 Corinthians 6:19–20 says that our bodies are a temple of the Holy Spirit. Therefore, we are to honor God with our bodies.
• 1 Peter 3:3–4 says that true beauty is internal. Nothing we could ever put on and nothing we could ever take off can give us the kind of true, lasting beauty that comes from Christ working in us.
• 1 Peter 5:5–6 urges us to clothe ourselves with humility.
• Proverbs 31:25 describes a woman who is clothed in strength and dignity.
• Psalm 132:9 talks about being clothed in righteousness.

Instead of passing down a list of rules for what we wear, the Bible encourages us to "wear" the qualities of Christ. This is why you have to start with the gospel when approaching this issue. No one can wear the qualities of Christ until they have turned their lives over to Him.

Take Her Shopping!

I'm not sure if you've ventured into a Forever 21 or Abercrombie and Fitch lately, but being a young woman with a commitment to modesty and purity isn't easy. Marketers aren't pushing girls toward the "respectable apparel" that Paul mentioned in 1 Timothy but toward the opposite. If the girls in your church are going to live like Christ has called them to in this area, they are going to need reinforcements. Care for her heart, first, through love and Bible study, but then help her give teeth to what she's learning by venturing with her into the mall with ideas and encouragement.

Yes, modesty matters! But the hearts of the young women in your world matter so much more....


THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO THIS ARTICLE. Go to truewoman.com and read the WHOLE article. It is so worth it! - Rejoicing in the Present